HE Knows

     For some, this testimony may be unbelievable, or even a little strange, but I am one who believes the Lord at his word: "I am God, I change not."  If He sent angels to men in times of old, He should still be sending Heavenly messengers today.  While this testimony won't convert any one who is a non-believer, I hope it is a blessing, followed by the impress of His good Spirit, to those who believe.
     In a previous testimony, I mentioned that I was raised in a single parent household.  Although I didn't have a dad, I did have a Grandpa.  I loved him.  I was named after him.  He was open to all, willing to trust anyone, and had a smile that made everyone around him smile too.  He was down to earth good.  He was never a priesthood member, but he was always one of the first to church, helped with offering, and one of the last to leave.  He loved to help; anyone.
     As it was common with northern inhabitants, when you get older, the Michigan winters got harder and harder to endure.  So it was with my Grandpa and Grandma.  They began driving down to Brandenton, Florida for winter.  Every fall we'd have a "goodbye" party, and every spring a "welcome home" party.  After they left, most of my uncles would grow their winter beards.  I always knew when Grandpa and Grandma were coming home; the winter beards disappeared-Grandma didn't like facial hair.  It was always good to have them back.
     In the fall of my junior year, we were getting ready to have the "goodbye" party.  I told my mom that I was going to hang with my friends; "tell them I'll see them in the spring".  In November, my Grandpa threw us a curve ball; he suffered a heart attack, and died in Florida.  I was heart broken.  I didn't get to say goodbye.  A black hole formed in my heart that remained for many years.
     After his funeral, I decided I wanted to be like him.  I began to give more time in service at church, and attend youth gatherings regularly.  I also decided that, one day, I would like to be ordained to the ministry, and serve at a higher level.  In a few years, I was ordained while attending Graceland College in Lamoni, Iowa.  At my ordination, my Uncle, who ordained me, mentioned in his prayer that he felt my Grandpa was attending in spirit.  I eventually moved to Independence, Missouri, where I began my "adult" life.
     At first, my intentions were to grow Spiritually, and be of service to the Church.  But, as often happens, I was led into the world.  It began when I got my first credit card, then another, ending with five in my possession.  Coming from a poor family, I wanted my first Christmas to be memorable.  I maxed out all five cards, with a job paying $5.10 per hour.  Ugh; you have to pay that back.  This Christmas became memorable all right; for all the wrong reasons.  I found a better paying job, but was already behind on payments.  I had to go to court with Sears.  I found myself drifting more and more into the world for release.  After a while, I wasn't attending Church, and my prayer life was gone.  I was lost.
     One night, I came home to my spiritual dad Jack.  My mother and I were living in his basement apartment.  I spoke with him about how I let all of my hopes and dreams slip away, and that I now had no hope.  I desired to end my life.  But Jack counseled me from the scriptures, and reassured God's love for me.  He then challenged me to pray that night, and lay my life before the Lord's throne of grace.  So, I tried.  It felt awful.  How does one approach God after you've turned your back on him?  I really didn't know what to say.  I ended the evening with a simple prayer: "help me Lord", and retired to sleep.
     The Lord heard my prayer.  At 3:00 in the morning, I was awakened.  Whether I was really awake, in a dream or having a vision, I don't know.  But my feet were firmly on the floor.  As I sat, staring at the bedroom wall in front of me,  a young man stepped through the wall.  I recognized him immediately: it was Grandpa!!  I had never before seen him as a young man.  His bald head was covered in dark, wiry hair, combed straight back.  He then sat next to me on my bed and we talked.  I don't know how long we talked, nor do I remember what we talked about, but I do remember finally getting to tell him how much I loved him, and how much he meant to me.  What joy!  After a while, he stood and told me he had to return.  I asked him if he would see Jesus when he returned.  He said he would.  So I asked Grandpa if he would give him a message for me.  I told him that Jesus must look at me now in sadness, knowing what I had become after I had dedicated my life to him.  I realized that he must not believe I love him.  I told Grandpa to tell Jesus that I did love him, and that I will change my life-I will become the man I promised him I would become.  Most of all, I told Grandpa, tell him that I care.  He nodded his head and stepped back through the wall.  But, before I could sit back down on my bed, the upper half of his torso stuck back through the wall.  I stared at him; he had THAT smile, only now it radiated with eternity!  He simply looked at me and said "Howard, HE KNOWS".  What freedom!  My guilt was swept away and I was filled.  I had been forgiven, and my soul redeemed from darkness.
     I wish I could say that my path was an incline upward from this point, but life happens, but I still am trying to do my best.  HE KNOWS.  Do you have sin in your life that's weighing you down?  HE KNOWS!   Are you having marriage issues?  HE KNOWS!  Is there something separating you from a deep relationship with him? HE KNOWS!  Jesus is, literally, the answer to EVERY question.  He is "the way, the truth, and the life".  Sometimes, when we feel alone, we need to ask ourselves, who moved?  At times, we feel fear.  But, fear isn't the presence of danger, it's the absence of God.  We need to trust his love in us, and look to him for life.  In II Chronicles, chapter 16 verse 9 we read: "For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him."  He knows where you are, and he's waiting for the opportunity to show himself strong to you.  Won't you let him?  Nothing you have done can separate you from him; you have nothing to hide.  HE KNOWS!!  God bless.